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Oct 21, 2014
 
Mangalore: A Mother Gifted with Eight Children, Now Destitute
 
Published Date: 11 Apr, 2011 (4:54 PM)

By Richard Lasrado

Mangalore, April 2 (6-25 pm): This may not be the story of one Jayanti. There could be many a Jean, Jameela or Janaki; or for that matter, many a Jude, Junaid or Jagannath. Condescended upon, let down and deserted by children. All suffering in heritage homes. Or old-age homes. In solitude, insecurity and ennui.

Jayanti Narayan Bangera was, at one time, no ordinary woman. She owned large landed property in the city. She did everything for her children and moulded their lives and helped them to attain high-flying careers. One simply cannot believe that she had to spend last three years in an orphanage in Mysore and has now landed back in the city, with some organizations taking care of her.

Jayanti was a force to be reckoned with politically too. In 1983, she had contested the civic body election on undivided Janata Party ticket. Today she sits and broods over the way things have gone about. As she narrated her story on Friday, April 1, many hearts may have melted.  

Out of her eight children, three are male and five female.  Of the latter two are working as doctors abroad, the third living in Kanhangad, Kerala with her doctor-husband and the fifth is the wife of a former mayor of Mangalore. The rest are on their own here in the city. A grandson of hers - the son of the former mayor - is a young IPS officer, who had been widely featured in the media when he cleared his competitive examination a couple of years ago.
 

Jayanti lost her husband three years ago, and she was pressured into partitioning the property into eight shares. Once the property was shared, she was not wanted anywhere. She joined a Christian old-age home in Mysore by paying a deposit of Rs one lakh. But the other condition of paying a monthly maintenance fee of Rs 2,500 was a problem. She is said to have begged and earned this money every month. She somehow got an impression that she was being slowly made to change her faith.

So she left the old-age home feigning illness, returned to Mangalore and got herself admitted to Fr Muller hospital. Even after having intimated her children about her presence in the hospital, she says no one of the family came to visit her. After getting discharged in ten days, she had nowhere to go. Now she is being looked after by a Hindu organization.

How long can she sustain herself with other's goodwill or doles or patronage? The future looks bleak and blank.

Just as it was said above, her lot has been exactly like it has happened in the lives of scores of other Jayantis in the past. And, who knows, also of those yet to experience the same in future.
 

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vinutha, India Jul 13, 2013
dear readers
sometime we don\'t know what is real story, every one has show that they are right, some parents has false ego jealous they don\'t like to see happy secured life
every story has its two faces who r really concern about this lady please talk and observe her kids,i know of this family members, if u want to know t this ppl talk as a strangers , you will sure change your opinion.
Balakrishna Shenoy, USA Jul 18, 2011
While wealth is a one of the requirements in old age, it is not the only thing. As an old man partly dependant on children, I have been able to remain young in Spirit by doing what needs to be done to the best of my ability to help the children and grand children without unduly interfering in their decisions, but helping when requested. Still there is always a lurking possibility of a change in their situation causing stresses and souring of relationships due to extraneous causes! In old age one has to learn to adopt, adjust and innovate appropriately to the fast changing social, technological and economic parameters! As the Nobel Laureate Garcia put it, " The secret of good old age is an honourable pact with Solitude".
John Pinto, USA Apr 11, 2011
It is sad Ms. Jayanti is at old age home. But this is how it has been in western countries for years and India is westernizing in many areas. Secondly it may not be as simple as it looks which we'll know after talking to her family. Everyone's circumstances, personalities, petty emotions/egos and the complex society itself has to be blamed. Giving away the property was a mistake.
Harold D\'cunha, India Apr 10, 2011
Prisha mascarenhas, India. Good comments. But who will going to bell the cat?
Suggestions are good. Practicality point also should take into consideration. One should plan his/her old age when they are young. In agricultural families, still the old people are taken care, as there is very close knit amongst the families and values are still not lost.

I still remember John F. Kennedy's famous saying" ask what u can do for your Country."
Similary one should ask himself/herself what one can do for others.
Prisha mascarenhas, India Apr 9, 2011
Thanks to the author. Very well explained. There are lot of Janyanthis and lot of old men who wait for their son's remittance. Our social duty is to act now, upon knowing we too can become victims tomorrow
and to reduce such happenings in the community. In catholic church a new thing has started called 'vadya Jamath'. What do we do? Apart from reading bible and a small prayers and at the end of the meeting distributing snacks and drinks. There are families who cannot afford or have no time for this useless gathering. Instead as a small community we should focus practically on such things (Jayanthi's case) and stop spending money on such gatherings. Personally i don't know how but there are lot of people around who has knowledge in such issues.
DASAPPA, UAE Apr 5, 2011
VERY SAD THIS LIFE HISTORY

THANX DAD U DIDNOT MAKE MUCH PROPERTY
SO WE ALL LOVE U A LOT

GOOD MORAL FOR YOUNG BLOOD
Harold D'cunha, India Apr 5, 2011
Well to do mother of 8 kids living in like orphan without any support is very sad. We Indian has very special place for our mothers which is very good.
From this every mother/father should learn a lesson that in their life time, they should not give the property share to their children; Otherwise this is one of the reward the children will show after receiving the share by abandoning their own mother.

Let's look from other side. Every mother who is old now, has also been young few years back. When their son's got married, definitely she was young. How she has taken care of her own daughter in laws is also the point to ponder and also what values she has given to her own children when they were young in their tender age. What one will sow, one will reap.

Many times what we say from our own mouth, God hears and bestow the same to us.

A good Samaritan who is wise, educated can take initiative to communicate to her children and definitely find a very healthy solution rather beating round the bush and commenting harshly on her own children. Everybody love their mother and feel good to take care of her.
Alfred J. Rebello,, India Apr 5, 2011
One thing we all should remember, whatever we do good or bad, one day it will return to us ten folds.

These children will experience this one day and I hope not it will be too late. As a mother she did everything for her children but when children grow up they forgot it.

There is a saying, when dry leaves were falling, tender leaves were laughing it seems without realising one day their turn will come. However, whenever we give all the comforts to our children we should not forget to teach them the fear of God. We should alsways teach our children what is good and what is bad and then leave rest to God.
Shivanand Shetty, MLORE/BLORE/USA, India Apr 4, 2011
VERY SAD. WHEN THOSE CHILDRENS GOT SHARE IN THEIR PROPERTY, THEN MOTHER IS BURDEN FOR THEM.
stany passana, India Apr 4, 2011
Dear Richie, while rest of India was discussing about the CRICKET and wealth involved in it, the real life story of this old lady makes one sit back and think, what is wealth in real sense. I wonder how this lady gave away entire share of property (including her 1/3) without giving a second thought.
ramya, India Apr 4, 2011
ips officer mail id karthikkashyap007@yahoo.co.in
ravi, Iceland Apr 4, 2011
please take nessessary acton govt india againts ips officer.
Jess Miranda Ann Arbor, , USA Apr 3, 2011
Our heart comes out when we hear this story. I don't know how heartless those kids could be to abandon their mother like this?
How could one feel like leaving their parents in old age homes when they are dieing to be with kids?
I cant believe how money and wealth can forget their own parents?
Its litterally a sad story and thank you Richard for highlighting this story
Drona, India Apr 3, 2011
Baagban was the movie where Amitabh and Hema Malini get rejected by their children. Thi story reminded me of that movie. It is sad to read this. I wonder if there is another side to this story at all? If so, is it plain lame or is there some substance to it.I guess the lady would have been better off if she had made a living will to be executed after her death. That way her children would probably have acted more decently.I trust the daughters in gulf who are doctors will have the chance to read this embarrassing news item and get their acts together to get their mother into an acceptable dignified rightful position.
Christopher D'Cunha, UAE Apr 3, 2011
Thank you Dear Richard Lasrado for the article, hope after reading this; one of her children will come and help her.
Thomas D'souza, USA Apr 3, 2011
This is the story that relates to most
in the Home for the Aged, Home for the
Homeless, Care Home, etc., all over the
world - reason: Education, Technology,
and Development.

A farmer educates his children - they all become Engineers, Doctors, and other Specialists. Karnataka with it's grandeur for education and paucity for indutries and jobs - automatically create immigration. Two aspects of life are badly affected - the parents and farming leading to shortage of love, care, and food - the basic necessity of all mankind!

Education, Technology, and Developement & Progress come at a very high cost, and sadly without a relationship or emotion.
Lawrence Pinto, UAE Apr 3, 2011
Jayanti is not an exception, there are many more like her around, as the writer rightly points out. Moral: Parents should not make the mistake of dividing & distributing their property while they are alive. The best way out is to make a will and leave it to those who deserve.
Dawn, India Apr 3, 2011
Richie you have hit the nail on the head when you say this has happened, happens and will continue to happen.

If there is one thing that all parents, speciay women in India need to earn - do not get pressurised and divide your assets befor your lifetime. If you do make sure that you have one share/life interest in the property.

As someone rightly pointed out, it's about time we name and shame such culprits. What's the use of going around serving other people by being doctor's etc when they cannot serve the mother who brought them into this world. Double standards to the heights!!

I hope they remember the law of nature - what goes around comes around!
P S Shetty , Qatar Apr 3, 2011
These great childrens names should be published in the article....they will get it back from their children for sure...
D.P.Kumar, India Apr 3, 2011
Richard Lasrado has done a real presentation of a aged lady. Name or religion is immaterial here.
The mistake she did was the partition of the property without keeping her share.

I have also come across a very old man who visited a bank branch ti just see whether the remittance from his son has come. He paid the Auto charge of Rs.30 to visit the bank and asked me to help him get an auto to go back.
When I was attempting to call autos, he was in tears.

He said his son is in Dubai and visits Mangalore once in a year. But visits him only once. Whenever he comes, he parties with friends and visits other relatives. For the last few years he has been sending only Rs.2000 per month. Even though he can afford, his son has not increased the amount. He felt better die than live any more!

By that time I could stop a auto and he left thanking me.

I wonder, why many in the "new generation" do not understand what is old age, what is parental love; what are their duties to parents etc.

So far I feel, I may be lucky.
Who knows the future!!
Pray, let us not be dependents on anybody.
Jimmy Noronha, India Apr 3, 2011
The story is very touching, and knowing as I do, it does touch quite a number of elderly women, particularly those who are single, and living all over India and curiously enough I too am watching it from very close quarters! It is a lesson to all in a situation that of Mrs. Jayanti that they should not partition the property during their life time but make a will that her children may get their share after her demise. This may bring the children closer, if not for the love of the mother, at least for the love of their share?

But having given birth to children who are now so well placed in life, it is incredible that Mrs. Jayanti is now in such dire straits!! The children must extend a helping hand to the mother and see that she lives a peaceful life during her twilight, which may reward her children with ample blessings.
The article is very timely or is it overdue?
Lawrence, USA Apr 3, 2011
Parents should never distribute their property to children before death. We have learned this leasson in high school through Shakespear's "King Lear" drama.

One of her poorest child perhaps will come forward and take care of her.

However, I have a strong reservation about the statement impressing her to change the faith. She looks like an educated woman. The author must make sure whether it was true or just cooked up story to get her deposit back.
Nirmala Carvalho, India Apr 2, 2011
Thank you Richard Lasrado for a touching story. of Jayanti, Sadly hers is not an isolated case. Do hope Lasrado brings many more of such tales to light to enable the enforcing of the Old age parents protection law in our country.

Lasrado has creatively described the sacrifices that Jayanti made to bring up her children and give them a professional education, which surely has come at a huge cost. Lasraod also brings to light that that the old age of a parent is the time when they need the love and affection and care from their children more.

However, I am confident that Jayanti was mistaken and got the wrong impression that 'she was being slowly made to change her faith' Conversion to Christianity is always the persons own free choice and will. No one can be made or coerced to change their faith.
jyo, India Apr 2, 2011
Very touchy.. its the fact that the kids these days have become very material possessive and forget to care for thier parents who has really struggled day nights in shaping thier children's future. I just wish atleast one of her child comes to her and cares for her.

 
 
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