Seniors, Think Twice Before Signing WILL-You Could Be on Streets?

Seniors, Think Twice Before Signing WILL-You Could Be on Streets?

Former Assistant Commissioner Dr Ashok ordered a man to take care of his ageing parents who were forced to vacate his house. If seniors have any problems of abuse, harassment, torture by their children can call- Senior Citizens Helpline at Toll Free Number 1090 (BSNL and Tata Docomo Customers only) others dial 0824- 2421190 or 0824-2436631; or seniors having Alzheimer’s or Dementia, you can call Jerardin D’souza, the founder of Mangalore Alzheimer’s Association at 9844074759; 08242433341. Our Elders must be advised to make a will in time.

Mangaluru: Gone are the days when children used to love and take care of their elderly parents until their death- but not any more. Sadly time has changed now, with many children either when they are single or after marriage, slowly try to neglect their ageing parents, harass them, try to kick them out or admit them in a Elderly Home. This is rude and being ungrateful to your parents who gave you birth, brought you up, they made sacrifices so that you could come up in your life- and what they get in returns- nothing but ungratefulness and torture. Yes, there are reasons for children- single or married ( may be the daughter-in-law won’t get along with mother-in-law) etc etc- but you need to work things out and rectify such family issues and make your parents live happily with you, rather than abuse them, harass them, or put them in Old-age home or simply kick them out of the house.

How do you know that your parent is in need of intervention? Are you really seeing a problem or are you imagining it? You see, most of us really don’t want to see that our parents are beginning to have problems. Their arms have always been strong enough to hold us, their minds have always been sharp enough to give us the answers we were looking for, and we don’t want to believe that those times may be coming to a close. Most of the time, our parents won’t admit it, either, and often get angry if it is suggested to them that they may be needing more help than they used to. Since it is hard to accept, and harder still to confront, many of us leave the issue as the white elephant in the middle of the living room.

We know there is a problem, but no one wants to mention it. Sadly, with this head-in-the-sand philosophy, you and your parents will end up with some serious issues. Having open discussions and knowing what their desires are will help you make wiser choices when the time comes.Talk About It before It Happens. Ideally, you can discuss things before they happen. Hopefully, you will talk to your parents when they are still younger and not having problems. Ideally, you will come to a place where you and they have reached decisions about what to do, “just in case…”.

It is hard to bring the subject up, but if you are still years away from dealing with their aging problems, please do broach this important issue. Above all, be gentle. No one wants to get old, no one wants to lose their independence. It is a difficult time for everyone but it will be even more difficult if you aren’t sensitive to your parents’ needs. If you see any of these signs in your parents, discuss your thoughts with them. Share your concerns and see what they say. Try to get them in to the doctor if you think it is necessary. The doctor can point you to various agencies that may be able to help, and can more closely observe your parent the next time they are in for an appointment. So all you children, it is very much advisable that you sort out ways to deal with your ageing parents, rather than neglect them.

On the other hand, to all you seniors this report is for you- if you have been abused, harassed, tortured etc by your children, there is help for you. The Senior Citizens’ Helpline situated in the premises of the Mangalore South Police station at Pandeshwar was initiated by Vishwas Trust for the Elderly. This was the first service of the kind in the whole of our country to which in the year 2005 , the Mangalore Telecom division had allotted a four digit Toll Free number 1090 ( only BSNL and Tata Docomo customers only), others dial 0824-2421190 or 0824-2436631. This facility has fulfilled its purpose several fold. The Senior Citizen Helpline does not merely give directions, advice and direct the Elderly with procedures for obtaining benefits like Old Age pension, Widow pension, Senior Citizen card, Aadhar Card, Pan Card, Voter’s Id and such others.

A typical case of parents abuse had come to the Helpline and the story was shared with Team Mangalorean by Lidwin Lobo-coordinator-Vishwas trust senior citizen help line, where she also said, “Several more examples can be added to show how common such situations exist in our society but manifested in different ways. Some cases like the one below could be resolved within four days. While some other cases have taken longer than a year. One case of three years duration is just coming to a close”.

Lidwin said, ” A senior citizen couple aged 76 and 69 years came to Vishwas Trust, Senior Citizen Help Line together with their married daughter. They were in tears because their son was harassing them and wants them to vacate the house in which they presently live. On the pretext of renovating the house and after which he intended to build a separate room for them with all the facilities, so that they can live comfortably The Senior Citizen approached the Assistant Commissioner for help and the son made the assistant Commissioner believe that the house is in a bad condition and may collapse at any time. It is very dangerous for his parents to live there and he intends to renovate or rebuilt the house and give the parents a comfortable life”.

“The Senior Citizen said that the house was built by him and he had transferred it to son’s name. Once the son got married he and his wife started living separately. But now and then he would come and trouble the parents telling them to vacate the house. Helpline Social Workers made it a point to visit the house, where we found that the house seemed to be in good condition and did not need neither renovation nor reconstruction. The visiting Social Worker clicked photos and submitted a report to the Assistant Commissioner; Department of the Disabled and Aged concerned Police Officer, and to the District Commissioner.” added Ms Lobo.

She further said, “After seeing the report and photos Assistant Commissioner himself visited the spot. Being satisfied with the report he permitted the parents to continue living in the same house during their life time and there should be no renovation or reconstruction unless the aged parents ask for it. He ordered the son to take care of their elderly parents who were forced to vacate the house. Seniors Helpline volunteers are in constant touch with the elderly couple to make sure that they are not harassed or tortured or abused by their son or his wife. “

This is one case and it should alert the middle aged approaching old age who are reading this article “Parents please do not transfer your property or any assets like jewelry and other things in your children’s name, otherwise you could be on streets. If you are been tortured or abused by your children, don’t even bother to sign any documents or WILL. Make sure you read what is mentioned in the WILL or other documents- and only when you are sure that you will be looked after well by your children-then only make your decision or contact the Senior Citizens Helpline at Toll Free Number 1090 (BSNL and Tata Docomo Customers) or 0824- 2421190 or 0824-2436631; or seniors having Alzheimer’s or Dementia, you can call Jerardin D’souza, the founder of Mangalore Alzheimer’s Association at 9844074759; 08242433341. Our Elders must be advised to make a will in time.

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15 Comments

  1. religious and community leaders, target single, widow and manipulate their will even after death. The commissioner and police department should be strict with such issues.

  2. How many aged women had fallen prey to the paying guest accommodation syndrome. They allow students or professionals to share their house with them for support or for money and at the end of the day get duped by these people. Sometimes the elderly are made to sign papers without knowing what is the content and loose their property. There are some scrupulous builders and real estate agents who really cheat the elderly by initially helping them material wise and financially and finally take their signatures on papers and transfer or sell their property. Some people dump them in old age home and few ditch them after all the transactions are finished. Trust is the basic need for survival . Once trust is lost then everything is lost

  3. I agree to it that educated children are doing this to their elderly parents. but my case is different. my parents were working abroad and have their own house and good income to take care of themselves. Here my parents are greed for wealth and do not care about the son as my sisters are well settled of in the US. I am married and in India and hardly able to manage my expenses. In spite of trying give them whatever I could, my parents gave false complaints in the police station and threw me out of their house. My father cheated and robbed from me a property which my grandmother gave me.

    • Actually your case is different. You can survive by your own there is no need to be dependent on your parents anyway. It’s good that your parents are good and have enough wealth till their lifetime.. that is you don’t have to take a tension anyway they can look after themselves. But article says the parents to be alert in case children may try to sign the WILL unknowingly.

    • Oh boy ! first of all you should earn something and stand your own !! be proud of yourself and dont look at their property !

      • I totally agree with u Lallu, Hey Arun with your written communication I can understand that u are well educated, then why you need their property? be on your own, try to stand on your own leg, show them what you can do in your life.
        Don’t complain about them, They are the people who strived for you when you were a kid, teenager and adolescent, how can you forget that?
        I am sure there is something which made some misunderstanding between you and them sort it out with them, make them genuinely believe you.
        They are parents and they will always forgive their children, I don’t say that you are totally wrong, and they are right, but being educated and your existence in the earth itself because of them then you can bend somewhat.
        Try Arun it is possible, i have seen people going through that. Finally whom you have to bend its only your own parentsssss…

  4. Alfie, thanks for highlighting the issue. It is indeed the time of the hour- senior citizens not only have fallen prey to their own kids, but also to those whom they had trust during their lives- they give accadomation to students- and eventually they get screwed by them. Nice report-wish others too create awareness in this matter.

    Thanks once again alfie and mangalorean.com- I too have elder parents, but I take good care of them- no matter what?

  5. It’s really really bad thing. Wealth and greed makes human worst than a animal. Anyone who reads this article save these Numbers provided in the content section “Toll Free Number 1090 (BSNL and Tata Docomo Customers) or 0824- 2421190 or 0824-2436631” So that you can pass it or call whenever you encounter any senior having trouble.

  6. Kindly reveal more incident/cases from Senior Citizens helpline so that awareness is created. They have unbelievable cases. Thanks Mangalorean.com for eye opening. But please continue articles regarding this issue which is the need of the hour.

  7. It’s very good Article. yes, this is the need of the hour. Parents should be given Love, respect, independence, space and so on… by the children.
    They are the people because of whom, we are on this Earth. They have struggled every single bit for us and to brighten our life.
    If my mother has kept me safe in her womb, my father has kept me safe in his brain and heart. whatever I give it to my parents its not enough, I cannot say proudly that i have given something its my sole duty and responsibility to give anything and everything and anyhow is possible.
    I have my biological parents and adopted (Foster) parents, Out of Four people i have only my biological mother with me all the other three are dead, but i love them, everyday i remeber them, I have not seen God in my life but i feel they are the four people who are the differant forms of gods in my life.
    I take care of my mother as like she is queen in the house because when I was the child she has taken care of me like queen hence I don’t want to miss that chance to take care of her like Quen.
    Thanks god for sending those four people in my life as my goddess and god.
    If anything i can help/do in this mission of taking care of senior people i ll be always ready. Mangalorean.com has my mail ID please contact me, i ll be always ready.

  8. This is in response to the comment posted by Arun, saying that his parents neglected him and that his dad took away his property gifted by his grandma. So Mr Arun if you want us to highlight your story- I am ready to do it. I am not saying that all parents are good and love their children. If your story happens to be genuine we will make a story and highlight it. Contact: info@mangalorean.com and send your contact details.

  9. I always believed that i should take care of my parents the way they took care of me. i have done many things to help them in time of their needs. but sadly i was taken for granted. life is complicated and not as black and white as you have written in thsi article. there is always a two side to the story. Not all parents are good, not all children are bad. After my mothers death my father started to sleep with my house maid. i still try to respect him but he has misused my trust in numerous situations and my belief on parents in shattered.
    This is a generation where parents are crooked too. Just becos they are old they are not helpless.
    with the matter of property Indian have the culture to pass on their ancestral share to their children. In such case rather than let your disappointed parents lose the property (for their extra affairs) given to them by your forefather its better to safe guard it for your future to add to it and pass it on to ur kids.

  10. I have read about arun and totally disagree with the comments by Lallu and Devika. I do not understand why these two people minds are still under development. I agree on one point that arun is hardly able to manage his expenses and survive by Gods Grace. As Arun said his parents gave false complaints and threw him out of their house and also did cheated and robbed from him a property, are you both Lallu and Devika trying to say that such parents should be treated with dignity. Also, are you both saying that Arun’s parents action was right on thier son? If the same situation happens to you ‘God Forbid’, will you sit and write the same comments as you have mentioned about Arun. Will Lallu and Devika respect their parents if they were also thrown out of the house and robbed of their property by forgery? Lallu and Devika one advise for you both is to think before the type some nonsense and judge yourself before you perform any action. If you both are not wise enough to take decisions, please stop unwanted comments about any topics.

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