Here I am already turned 30, assaying to constitute myself in this competitory world filled with Jargons. Trying hard, to fulfill necessities of all those beautiful people in my life sometimes forgetting my wants and sacrificing my Goals?..
Each day seems to be growing shorter in time, wishing that I could stop the Tick-Tock, the revolution of planet Earth just for a day. To lay back and have a moment all to myself, dream of time travel back to my adolescence, the time when you were important to all, the sweet experience of first love with stark innocence.
Knock-Knock?? Poof!!! Back to reality, Life doesn?t move in the fast lane as in any family entertainer movie, cycle of life just don?t have intervals as you would expect. You start to realize although you must love, love is not enough to survive and Happiness is not for sale. At this point in life you start asking yourself what?s happiness? That?s the million $$ question, If you agree or should I say You will without doubt agree with me, almost everyone one of us have been searching every nook and corner, pages on internet being a Netizen in search of happiness trying to fill in the void not realizing stuff we buy is not the alternative of Happiness.
Now comes the most prominent point at this age, Career. I used to think of having a five to six figure income; a luxury car; house and all things nice would make me look successful in the eyes of others. What did I do???? Thought of buying more stuff, ultimately I now realize having all this still brings a fake smile on my face. Problem is I started looking at everything around me intellectually and not emotionally. Is this a change in phase of life or is it just that you would end up atop the Himalayas in search of success and peace. There were times when I used be content with a cup of tea at a small makeshift caf?, why is it that now a cup of Starbucks coffee don?t taste as good as the Tea I had years back. From School days to College I always thought the cool kids and the good looking ones were the happiest, I was wrong not all cool kids lead a happy life.
If I must say, When you are Thirty time call your Doctor and say Hello!!!!, visit him for that general check up to see the status of your Biological Engine that has kept you going all these years. My hair has started to grey at this age, not sure if it?s the water that the bath or the shampoo I use. I?ve started to understand the difference between pain and suffering, while pain is an Indicator that you start doing something to reduce it, suffering is a choice to live with or live without it?.
I now realize all these years I always wanted everyone to like me, we all are bound with the instincts of wanted to be loved by all. But any or all relationships are not to be looked upon as the same, at this age you start to accept and substantiate that the world does not end or thunder don?t strike upon you when people don?t like you. In fact the less you are worried about such people the more productive you become with your day to day life. I have now begun to understand I always wasted my time linking my life to the various probable situations in my life, what should I be doing today? Will I get a better job? What if I lose my Job? Why can?t I stop smoking? What will I do to lose those extra pounds around by belly?……. But now I consciously realize all this time I was putting myself at the center of everything without trying to understand what has been going on in front, left, right, top & bottom of my life.
I feel I have at least crossed the first mile stone of my journey into being a man. I don?t intend to promulgate my views and what you would feel, what works for one may not work for another??.. So life goes on my friends, there is immense knowledge and experience to gain out there. As years pass by things that I considered of serious consequences seems funny and laughable. Phew!!! Life has been like a Roller Coaster ride with lots of ups and downs until now. Live every moment of your life and happy growing Old?????..
Abu Dhabi / Udupi
Author: Deepesh Rajan- UAE