The Voting Festival Of India – 2009

The Maha Kumbh Mela is on! The time has come for Politicos to take their countrymen for a jovial ride again. The Delhi Bada Saabs will descend upon earth in their constituencies as well whole over India. This is the appropriate time for tantriks, mantriks, saadhu  sants to make hay while the shine shines! The euphoria has set the nation into a frenzy of Jaago Re. Many a corporates have been toying with the idea of launching campaigns to educate the illiterate and the reluctant, coaxing them to cast their franchise. There is a new addition of young voters. The target audience of Virgin Mobile, Moto Yuva and Levis Jeans!

Most of the parties do not have a clear cut agenda. The same old speeches and same old assurances. I remember in 2004 when UPA came to power during a press conference a journalist asked our infamous Lalu Prasad as to what is the name of the alliance. He could muster only U?.and asked his cronies In his inimitable style.. Arre who ka hai yeh ghatbandhan ka naam?  Someone uttered ?UPA’! and he repeated among peals of laughter. Today the same Lalu is planning clandestinely a third front with Ram Vilas Paswan and Mulayam and is nursing secret desires become PM! God! Please help! Have mercy on us!

Mulayam , meanwhile has done a casting coup! What with getting Sanjay Dutt on board. Amar Singh is beaming with joy. The only hitch here is the Supreme Court.  As Sanjay needs a stay on his conviction in order to contest an election. However, Mayaben and the Congress may not like it to happen. And rightly so,  It may set a bad precedence! All the UP, Bihar anti -social elements will have a field day contesting elections from within the jail premises or out on a bail! There has to be some control. And, it was provided by the honorable Supreme Court which refused the stay.

Well, Mulayam & Company have roped in Nafisa Ali as the candidate from Lucknow. Sanjay has been made the National General Secretary of SP. He is going to campaign vociferously. Awright, Munnabhai, pump up the jam!

Recently, on Aap Ki Adalat, Rajat Sharma grilled Sanjay on every front. His verdict came as Sunju Baba has done his home work well…has mastered the politically correct answers and was firing one salvo after the other on the assembled junta!

He even went to such an extent to declare that He will withdraw his candidature if the great statesman ex Prime Minister Mr. Vajpayee plans to contest the elections!  Very  clever statement. Each and every one knows that Vajpayee is not keeping well since a long time. He has no plans whatsoever to contest elections! Sanjay brilliantly played to the gallery. But,  landed with a thud when he heard the Apex Court’s verdict. Don’t lose heart Munnabhai, better days will be here again for you!
His witty repartees to the old war horse Rajat Sharma was a laudable treat! Amar Singh & Manayata his wifey has taught him the ropes of politics it seems. Sunju Baba has learnt his lessons well! Not only in politics it seems also in the Hindi film industry.

He has washed his hands off all of Sunjuy Gupta’s films. He is his friend turned foe! The real story is a well guarded secret. But, then a guy who gave him a hit movie like ?Aatish’ and was a partner in White Feather films. All of a sudden one hears about the two being sworn enemies! There were rumors about Sunil Shetty being at the receiving end of Sunju’s hostility too.

But Sunju and Sunil both have denied it. This story can be rested. One will not be surprised about their brotherly relationship not too long ago. Read this, Sunil’s mum used to fry Mackerels for him and used to cook Mangalorean specialty Crab Curry (Dengi Gassi) for Sunju at his Prithvi Apartments in Altamount Road.

Also Sunil had ensured that His wife Mana was the joint signatory for Sunjay’s  cheques! As  Sunju Baba had a bad habit of splurging money on anything he sets his eyes on! He had this habit of donating his hard earned pennies to any spot boy or co star that came out with sob stories!  Those were the days when the trial of Mumbai Blast was on. Once the verdict given, Sunjay smartened up. He knew by now who his close chums are and who were his detractors.

Systematical y he has started sidelining the Judases. Another famous alliance to be broken recently is with our so called Czarina of soaps Ekta Kapoor. She and Sanjay had signed a huge deal worth crores to co produce movies; of course all will star apna Sunju! They produced ‘Shoot Out at Lokhandwala’ and then ?Mission Istanbul ?which turned out to be a turkey!! And the latest one which bombed without trace, humm you guessed it right  ?EMI’!

These two movies which bombed signaled a stop in the friendship of Dutt and Balaji. He reportedly has not returned back the signing amount it seems. Ekta has got her team revamped and showed her maternal uncle who was the CEO, the door. Still, there are very less chances of truce between the two. The biggest advantage to Balaji in general and Tushar Kapoor in particular was a macho role essayed by Tushar as Dilip Bua in SOAL .

He never got an opportunity so far. He always acted as the dumb e h oh character in Gol Maal series or as an idiot in most of his movies. He does not have a career so to say. But his Father jumping Jack and his sister Ekta has millions!! His beloved Momma has Diamonds!

But Tushi has no roles. Even a Ghayab had him invisible most of the time.

The very vocal Mahesh Bhatt is silent. The elections are the perfect time for a guy like him to talk about issues which are existing and also non issues like cultural exchange between India and Pakistan! The stand up comedians, Rauf Lala, Shana Shakeel from Laughter Challenge and Comedy Circus respectively were bundled out  to Pakistan by MNS cadre right under his nose!! In ordinary circumstances Bhatt would have shouted from roof tops.

But, in today’s scenario he has mellowed a lot. He prefers to keep silence or maybe afraid about the turning situations which are unpredictable. After severe criticism from the press and the junta he has not written any kissing scenes for Emran, his nephew in his new movies. The kissathon has stopped it seems owing to public pressure!

Jannat and recently released ?Razz 2 ?have been hits without the kisses!! Emran is happy the label of serial kisser has been diluted and may soon evaporate into thin air.

Nagma is making rounds of Congress’ who’s who and the high command. But, the party does not seem to find her a constituency. Where to accommodate her? She can be a crowd puller but at who’s expense? Govinda has exclaimed from rooftops that he is not interested in contesting elections!

But, Congress has better things to do. He by now knowing the situations again declared that he will canvass for Congress. Ashok Chavan immediately agreed. High command of Congress is miffed with Govinda. The Virar ka Chokra never attended parliament more than 5 days. How can it be? Why on earth we need an MP who cannot pay heed to his constituency? Nagma may fit his shoes let’s wait and see. The Sadanah babe is from UP. Her sister Jyotika Sadanah is a well known actor down south.

Varun’s arrest has cast a shadow on his political career. He may emerge a winner but have to eat dal chawal and sleep on the stone beds and share his cell with other uncouth inmates. Politics is all fun when you are elected and Z category security is awarded by the center. When you have people around you and your every word uttered is taken as a Gospel Truth! Whah Whahs  and Wolf whistles and cacophony all around. The candidate feels in heaven. Varun went overboard with his utterances and now his retractions. The law of the land is supreme.

Mayaben is hell bent on ruining the lad’s sleep and career. She has done the unthinkable. But, again there are more chances of him becoming a hero. The charges filed are definitely difficult to prove. BJP’s ace campaigner and PM designate Mr. Advani has got a new issue to take it to the people. It serves the BJP’s purpose well.

Chiranjeevi is a breath of fresh air. But, still the voter will be confused. TDP’s Chandra Babu or Congress’ YSR or Chiru! Again, a fractured verdict. Telangana issue is the fodder this time. Will the Andhra voter bite the bait? Let’s wait and see!

Still, reports are ripe that it will be a hung Parliament. Hung upside down this time as there are friends turned foe turned friend then foe again all over. Take the case of CPI (M), Samajwadi party guys, Jayalalitha, DMK, NCP.

Post elections there will be many merry go rounds, musical chairs. Head counting!

Prathibha Patilji will have a tough time. All said and done it’s the voter’s privilege.  The voter is the king every 5 years or whenever there are back to back elections.

So, dear fellow Indians, do take time out to vote for our nation’s sake and our own welfare. This is the right time for you to make your own choice. So Jaago re Jaago re Jaago!

Author: Donald DSilva- Mumbai