My dear readers, please note that this blog had earlier featured on EYT as a stray thought-process of mine on a rather mournful evening. Haven’t most of us thought of death and dying sometime……..
It is rather late one winter night. I am lying in bed looking at the ceiling and the fan seems to rotate faster than usual?..
Whizzzzzz…..a gentle lullaby like sound and the blades are translucent too. Darkness, it envelops me with a eerie and lethal warmth.
Lub-dub lub-dub lub-dub lub-dub…..
I listen in rapt attention, just the tempo of my pulse and the subtle heave of my breath.
"How does all this work?" The mind ponders for a moment.
Blink, the answer flashes on the screen of my mind "It is so intricate and could crash any second".
The heartbeats sprint and my breathing is now more like a heave-ho! Someone’s placed a heavy boulder on my chest! I try to get it off, but it doesnt budge.
I palpitate, sweat beads on my brows, intense heat.
My body begins to melt away into nothingness; as it thaws apart piece by piece, into an ocean unknown.
There is nothing left.
I am thinking. Thoughts flow rapidly- Is this consciousness? I wonder!
What got me to this point in the first place?
From my heart-beat to the cataclysm, how did it all happen?
But I know I am not dead yet!
It won’t happen tonight as I lay in bed. I am mighty relieved.
Then the fear gets over me again, someday I am going to die!
My body has stiffened; I feel the fear grip my every sinew.
I ask myself "Am I going to die?" No, at least for the time-being, I tell myself
I often wonder what death is.Sometimes I fear death.
I think about the sound I will make when the heartbeat slows to a whisper, then stops. The breathing is hushed. Then what?
It had always been there, but I never heard it before. My preoccupation with myself had not let me hear this.
The quiet of the dawn- so serene;
The rhythm of a bird in flight- so divine;
A flower blooming in the garden- so beautiful.
No sound- just silence.
I extrapolate this to the world at large; feel sad when I think of my nearest ones dying.
My body trembles, where do they go? Will I ever get to see them? When I die, will I meet them?
Do these thoughts haunt others as well?
Struggles of life!
The dreams we pursue and the passion within. The success thats elusive and failure epidemic. The panic rises, the depression sets in, very heavy this time. Brawny and at times vicious.
…I look at myself. I am sleeping, blissfully like a baby. I am dressed in my best, I never looked so good…
Thoughts turn into motion. The mind rolls and my heart beats faster, responding to nothingness.
Then I turn heavenwards, "Please! Help me!" I surrender myself to the power of the divine and it’s beautiful. I wish someone could lift and cuddle me.
The fright of dying is devastating. I am not dead yet and that makes me happy for now.
One day I know there will be Silence! Is this the absolute truth??? Is this the death I fear? Is this what everyone is terrified of?
I look at myself. I am sleeping, blissfully like a baby. I am dressed in my best, I never looked so good.
They are crying over me , yet I hear no sound. Silence, eternal silence. No sound- just silence.
A leaf gently rustles, the evening wind whispers, a candle blows out.
Silence, pure tranquil silence…
Author: Amarnath Bantwal- Kuwait